One bonus to keeping masks in Scotland, when middle aged white men with dug shite patter come in to a cafe and have to repeat their dug shite joke asking for a table outside when it’s raining, 4 times.

Comedy pals, anyone know of anyone know of the best places a big daftie like me could wangle a wee 5-10mins stage time through in Edinburgh sometime soon? need to get back on the old horse and video the subsequent falling aff it

Very excited about this! Get yer tickets folks!

Just saw a school kid in full uniform, blazer, the works, wae a fez on his heed. My hero

I honestly cannae handle any more folk from Gogglebox dying man, I just aboot had to take a week aff when Leon died man. Im so attached to them.

Remember this is on Saturday dear friends. I am very excited! Get yer tickets now!

Get tickets tae this, it will be truly wonderful! Only draw back is, ive got wan, but I won’t talk tae ye I promise.

A need a new flatmate In January, does anyone know if Leon fae Curb your Enthusiasm needs a room in Shawlands? £400 PCM. I think he’s the only person I would be truly happy living with

I honestly can't take this, why is the world such a bin? Greggs shut at 2 yesterday, tories think they can go and dance in nightclubs and @shaunwkeaveny is leaving BBC Radio 6 Music Honestly, it's no worth it anymore. If ye need me i'll be in my bed wrapped in a roll of puff pastry

This is too much, I feel like @shaunwkeaveny is the big brother I never had, and now he’s moving away and leaving me with our dysfunctional family. Please don’t leave me Shaun.

Saw a guy on a bike get hit by a car in London today. Not one person went to help him. Shocking. The guys at the car wash on the other hand, couldn’t do enough for me, efficient, friendly and not one drop of blood left on my car bumper. Dr Wash, Hackney 10/10

Just when I needed a bit of reassurance about life and the decisions i've made, my best mate messaged saying: "found a bit of pastry in my belly button today, it made me think of you." back on top. cheers mate.

Just found out there was a bomb scare on my Grans street in Killie two days ago. Full street evacuated, except my Gran cause she takes her hearing aid oot before she goes tae her bed. Merry Christmas.

Have made a sculpture of a roast chook using two items. They are; one rubber glove and frozen water (ice). Won't taste as good, but this year is off to a nice start.

Doing this Iconique comedy gig this Thursday at The Rum Shack! This one is sold out but check it out it’s gonna be on the last Thursday of every month 🍄🌞❤️😊 gonna be a laugh 😊❤️🌞🍄

Will be hosting the quiz at The Old Toll Bar Glasgow tonight. 8pm start! Covering for legend Bryce Drennan!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #quiz #quizmaster

Got two spare tickets to Fontaines D.C. at Vicar street tonight. Face value. Dm if interested #fontainesdctickets #vicarstreet