I was about to go for a run, but then I saw an open bottle of wine.

OK MOOD

People with fake a deer in their yards. Why? I need answers.

People who don’t use your turn signal. why? Help me understand.

I’m making chili this weekend so if anyone wants some, I suggest you make some too.

Has an outufit from #dressbarn ever resulted in getting down?

Friends: "Be ready at 7:30" Me at 7:30:

Finally the basics can basic more basic.

Sometimes I wonder how much weight you need to gain to not get kidnapped.

Suzie stop your face

I like my men like I like my coffee... Falling off the roof of my car as I pull out of my driveway.

Amy Coney Barrett holding up a list of fucks she gives about women’s rights

I miss buying books in airports that I’m never going to read

Just remember win or lose. Those are your only two options

Impeachment is “divisive” only if there’s an actual *divide* about the President’s conduct. If you’re ok with what he did, stand up and say it. But don’t hide behind weasel words like “divisive.”

I’m pretty sure the people that say “we needed the rain”when it rains own cats and not dogs.

Is there a term for people that due to Covid have turned into giant douche bags incapable of interacting properly in society again?

People usually don't notice the things you do for them until you stop doing those things

Walls so high they can never come down.