When you select 'English' as the language on a computer program and they've used the American flag.

My biscuit broke mid-dunk.

Getting the barbecue going when the temperature exceeds 10 degrees Celsius.

My teabag ripped when I was making a cuppa. My day has been ruined.

I offered someone the last Percy Pig... They took the last Percy Pig.

The BBC is broadcasting full coverage of Margaret Thatcher's funeral. I don't even like going to the funerals of people I knew.

Apologising as if you just ran over the cashier's dog when she asks you, "Would you like a loyalty card with us?"

I don't know which is more rude; ignoring the Big Issue seller, or giving him false hope by nodding when I don't intend to buy anything.

This situation going on over the pond could be ended in minutes, if they only had Gazza to deploy.

I'm too old for Radio 1, too young for Radio 4, and Radio 2 is shit.

Calling cunts 'mate', and calling your mates 'cunts'.

I hate people who use the coffee spoon to make my tea.

I won an instant win hash brown from McDonald's Monopoly. They stop serving hash browns at 10:30am. I'd rather a lie in.