I have no idea what sin I committed for Facebook's algorithm to constantly suggest that I follow motorcycle groups.

My friend wished me a happy birthday on Facebook as an April Fool's prank, and I've now had more friends wish me happy birthday than on my actual birthday. I'm thinking about changing the date.

If anyone I wasted my time on describes me as a "crazy ex" I did my job. Someone had to make sure that motherfucker never pulled that bullshit again.

Heard a song today which I'm certain has "Carrie Brownstein" in the lyric, but fuck if I can find anything about it online based on that fact alone.

Linda Reynolds set to replace Magda Szubanski as Weakest Link host. #auspol2021

Just caught the repeat of #insiders where Adam Bandt was raked over the coals for the government's many failures. I'd be surprised if he's PM at the next election after a grilling like that one.

It's great that you don't care what other people think. Because they think you're a fucking idiot.

Turquoise & Teal: Crimefighting Showgirls

Did I just hear the song formally known by Regurgitator in an ad for the Commonwealth Bank?

[guy watching the sixth sense for the first time] What the fuck?! What the fuuuuuck?!!! What's going on?! A divorce?! Seriously? You're interrupting the movie to tell me this now?!! What the fuck, they're MY kids Suzanne!

Writing an Aussie neo-noir mystery thriller called "The Usual Suss Cunts"

"Chuck! Chuck, it's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin BERRY. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, fuck you, I found it! Fuck you!"

They're not laughing because you're a comedian, they're laughing because you're a joke.

2 Hocus 2 Pocus

Just sent my second email for the day and now I need a nap before dinner.

🎉 Sesame Street ReAction Figures Wave 1 Giveaway! How to Enter: 1️⃣ Follow us Super7 2️⃣ RT & Like this post! 3️⃣ Comment on the post with the Sesame Street character you'd like to see as ReAction next! #Super7 #Super7giveaway #giveaway

I love how strong my teeth feel when I eat cheese