So many new sentences today. Like “here, hold my frogs”. And “does Billy Zane take credit cards?”

So in the song “West End girls”, they’re talking about musical theatre, right?

They finally did it. Despite repeated warnings, they wore out my name.

I don’t really really really want it, but I could sort of go for a zig-a-zig ah.

Do you think they call it a butter knife because it’s ugly, but all the other utensils are super hot?

Ok, so AI isn’t better than I am at everything. But holy hell is it better at mastering music than I am. Wow.

God bless her, my daughter thinks she’s complimenting me by saying, “your legs are looking skinny”.

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you probably also can't handle me at my best, because they are very similar.

My cow for magic beans. Good idea?

Ok, don’t get me wrong, Queen is awesome. But an atom bomb just may be the least reloadable thing in the history of things.

Waiter: Do you want ice in your shirt? …and that’s how you know your wardrobe is making an impact.

Ok, so I know you say that you’d “walk a thousand miles if [you] could just see [me] tonight”. But I have doubts about both your estimate of your walking speed and your stamina.

Things I have trouble reading: 1. Russian literature 2. My own handwriting 3. Rooms

Dude, if I wanted to eat a lot of peaches, I wouldn’t still be living in the city.

I live my life in the “does this happen to you” portion of an infomercial.

Witches must have a lot of leftover newt parts, just saying.

“You’re not usually objectionable.” - my wife, boosting my self esteem

12 amazing facts about electricity! Number 5 will shock you!!!

If someone could please tell me when that “old man strength” is supposed to kick in, I’ll be waiting here instead of working out.

Ok, so… flaming hot, cool ranch doritos. Are they just "ranch doritos" then? Or does one temperature win out and they're like "warm ranch"?