I haven't tweeted, twittered, or birded in a year... but.. this.

"In God we trust" these people have never given a tired baby a bottle. #parenting

6am. I am awake. Baby is asleep. Do I go back to sleep, or sit in the beautiful silence of no responsibility? #parenting

A joke for all my new followers: Roses are red, Viol...zzzZZZzzz #parenting

Hillary just tore Trump a new ass. Hillary Clinton

Why do people spend time on the kid's bday. They get one more day that is all about them? #parenting

My toddlerenjoys watching me rearranging the furniture. He drops his pacifier behind the couch or his crib everyday. #parenting

A Christian telling an atheist they will burn in hell is about as scary as a child telling an adult they won't get any presents from Santa. x.com/tinatinker20/s…

I am gonna have a drink for M. #2017withmariah

Exactly! x.com/rickygervais/s…

I can't even enjoy oranges anymore.

Take one minute to ask your federal officials to keep #Medicaid strong for kids! bit.ly/2n9tWeo #keepkidscovered #AHCA

HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS

Road Trip!!!! x.com/JohnLegere/sta…

Enjoying our Wendy's #fatherandsonlunch. Banner says, "Thank you!" We received your gifts and can't wait to play! x.com/Wendys/status/…

Apparently, contacting you and having her show me the issue fixed it. Your site worked exactly how she expects it too. Issue resolved. x.com/AskPapaJohns/s…

Made mac'n cheese for lunch. 2 yr old devoured it like a wolf to a fresh kill.

He meant 47% x.com/RussellOkung/s…

Equality.