Approaching women at the club to convince them to sign up for PrizePicks using my promo code

How are travel agencies still around when girls in their mid 20s on adderall exist who will plan your trip in 30 minutes for fun

Don’t remember what had me hating hard enough to wish to not be reincarnated as another person

Just saw a long John silver and A&W in one building your dna probably permanently changes if you get too close to it

Told the barista whole milk was fine and Lizzo showed up and slammed my head against the counter

There is no way Sexyy Red knows what new game + is

Tiktok surveillance is so crazy I said I wanted stainless steel pots and I started getting videos from a profile that advocates for steel pans and talks about the evils of Big Teflon

I am one lil baby song away from making myself the “Work Christmas party 2023 incident”

“This is a Hollywood humiliation ritual !!!!” - middle aged man whose wife has to beg him to change every time they leave the house so she’s not embarrassed to be seen with him in public

One time this dude messaged me after I beat him in fifa asking if I was Nigerian and I said yeah cause I thought he was bout to say a slur and I was gonna report him to get his shit banned but then he just said “nice me too” had to log off after that I felt evil

Grown men with anime girl pfps are on here trying to tell people Drake is a pedophile cmon y'all need to be serious rn

You pushing 30 wearing jerseys to bars you need to hang it up man

Year 2 of suggesting the punishment for coming in last in fantasy football is for the loser to be followed around by the rest of the league in a Target for 15 minutes while they yell “this man is here for meet a 13 year old boy”

Bar is playing white peoples covers of songs but idc cause the fries are good ngl

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

#COYS