Shot up heroin with Keith Richards and Mick Jagger one time lol. Wonder if they’ll play my fraternities spring party…

Say you know ball, without saying you know ball… yup thanks #crunchy

Lol kid in my class is sitting front row with a chain on and a happy dad hat, meanwhile EKB is sitting back row in a sea island pullover and new balances. We are not the same pal

Me and all my homies fucking love Jack Johnson thanks.

One day you’re doing bag off the pool table at 4am, the next you’re getting off from your corporate job early to coach 4th graders in the NYO Peach Bowl

Chazz Reinhold is not a kook! He is a brave and decent man. He’s a pioneer!

Kinda fuck with this guy don’t know why

I told my mom when she found my whippet cracker that it was the black cleaning ladies from the fraternity house to make the buddies whip cream on ice cream night. You can go ahead and guess she didn’t buy it lol

Driving in Nee York is like trying to navigate a Pakistani flea market.

What’s everyone’s most quotable movie of all time. I’ll start with mine- Wedding Crashers

Need new kicks for Christmas? Need some suggestions and please for the love of god don’t say fucking on clouds.

Is Justin King a Florida fan?

Tim Dillon is fucking hilarious.

“Wait omg I’m literally crying, I got so drunk last night I don’t remember anything. Holy fuck I’m so hungover I need to like not go out tn.” Shut the fuck up. The 8 high noons you had at roadhouse doesn’t actually make you feel that bad and trust me it doesn’t make you blackout

Wake up babe, I have to scan into chapter now with the CHPTR app. 🤦‍♂️

Just walked into the DMV and feel like I just walked into the Star Wars cantina. Creatures from all different galaxies

Death, Taxes, and seeing on clouds under the stall on campus #frat

The halftime show is just a buncha ooh ooh ah ahs swinging their arms

If you haven’t listened to the last waltz after 18 beers are you really living??