My best friend just told be she had to Google the year she was born to figure out how old she’ll be on her birthday next week, and I didn’t want to admit that I literally just did the same thing. This is your 40s.

This morning I told my son that he was too heavy for me to give him a piggyback and he asked how much I weighed and I said 125(cough) and Alexa overheard the convo and chimed in and said, “That’s not exactly accurate but you’re more sass than mass,” and even Alexa gives me sh*t.

Don’t you just love when you’ve bought all your Christmas gifts and your kids give you a “revised” list because, “Santa still has time to make more gifts?” Yeah, same.

99% of the time my kids are at each other’s throats and bickering nonstop but last week at the book fair my son used his $ to buy his sister a cat book that she had been begging for. I’d never seen her so excited and him so proud. Hold onto that 1% bc it’s so dang beautiful.

I told my daughter she couldn’t do something so she called a family meeting, where she appointed dad as the decision maker and demanded that I just sit back and relax. I think I just won the lottery.

My 6-yr-old thought pickle ball was a game where you threw around large pickles and the winner got to eat unlimited pickles, and now the real game is just sad.

If you think you’re having a stressful Monday, I mean Tuesday, just remember that someone (maybe me), somewhere, just tried to drink coffee out of a candle.

I’ve decided I don’t want to grow or be a better version of myself this summer. No learning any new recipes. No reading tips on being a better mom and wife. No healthy lifestyle changes. No getting more organized. Nope, none of it. What you see is what you get. Stagnant AF.

I just heard a survey on the radio asking what you would do if you had 24 hours without your kids, and a lady called in and said she’d eat a whole pizza, watch trashy TV, get drunk, then sleep for 12 hours. I think I’ve found my new bestie

I just saw an elderly guy riding grocery cart through the parking lot, yelling weeeeeeee, and we should all be this excited in the 104 degree heat on a Tuesday.

I’ve noticed that if one of my kids hasn’t seen their sibling in like an hour they’ll go searching for them. 5 minutes later I’ll find them chatting and giggling together in one their rooms. They may fight like crazy 95% of the time but the love and loyalty is so real.

My 6-yr-old was poking fun at my oldest about how his voice is going to change soon and he looked her dead in the eye and said, “My voice may change and I may get hair places but you’re going to bleed every month! A lot.” And that’s how my 6-yr-old learned about her period.

If you don’t threaten to “turn this car around” and “cancel this vacation” a million times in route to the airport, are you even going on a family vacation?

“It’s Sunday, they’ll sleep in past 6 a.m,” is the biggest lie parents tell themselves.

I love all these influencers posting about the perfect school drop-off outfit. My kids are just lucky if I have shoes on and remember to wear a bra.

Here’s a thought… What if your New Year’s resolution is to have no resolutions at all? What if it’s to be still, to adapt to your circumstances, and to simply breathe. There’s beauty in change but there’s also beauty in simply surviving.

I love when people ask me what I’ve been up to. Like I’ve been doing anything besides working, shuffling kids around, and trying not to lose my damn mind. I haven’t jetset to Tahiti or anything.

I had a 4.0 in college and now I Google words like ate, cap, mid and rizz because I can’t figure out what the heck my teenager is saying.

All these sport’s moms posting about their “perfect sport’s mom outfit.” I’m just lucky to get my kid to his game on time, have my teeth brushed and be wearing a bra for the 8 AM game.

I give the biggest eye roll when my teenager complains about how long it takes to do research for his essay. Buddy, you have no idea. You’ve got Alexa, Google, AND ChatGPT. I had an encyclopedia and a Webster’s dictionary. Take a damn seat.