Story time with papa phil

Red ice bison am I right boys

Hppy prsdnts dy

Me: Drops $2k for bottle service at the club on a Tuesday Club: *Does not go up* Me: *Flosses slowly while holding back tears* I’ll take your finest bottle of SUNNYD and keep it coming

You know what rhymes?

where the fuck are the margaritas dammit

Just made a friend by tripping on a rug and running into a door frame.. it's time for spring break..

hell yea it’s friday night who tryna kick my fucking ass!

I swear I could learn more about engineering by watching a guy bake a cake on YouTube than by listening to half of these professors

My stomach is putting in work rn. I hope I don’t fart the bed...

Poor Susan 😢😢 (from activity 8, not on the critical path)

Well aren’t you just a real human of a guy

That wasn’t very K-pop of you..

No fr though, who is trying to go to bass pro shops rn... I’m boutta act out

This is a definite Premium Edition 1/24 Scale Top Fuel Dragster moment

🤠 howdy partner 🤠

All spatulas are exactly two and a half tater tots wide. Change my mind.

Dem Arby’s bois 😤 wheels up. Skeet ⬅️👊👊 skrrrrrt ➡️👊👊

Thank you Nick. Very cool.