old couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says I've just done a silent fart, what can I do? Husband says "put batteries in hearing aid

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

why when people are asked!. if you where #stranded on a desert island an you could have one thing. why the does no one Say's a boat?

why do parents tell you to not play with your food, when the first 2 years of my life they pretended the spoon was a airplane...

It's funny how we spend so much time teaching our kids to walk and talk, and once they master it we tell them to sit down and SHUT UP!

It would be easier to convince a toddler that you mean business if their side of the conversation did not make you laugh...

I am old enough to know better, but young #enough to do it again, and wise enough to know how not to get caught ha ha

Having friends is Great, but having friends that make you laugh is PRICELESS!

Never ask Google for medical advice. I have gone from mild headache to clinically dead in three clicks...

Well, my plan was to do absolutely nothing today, so far I am right on schedule!

I think I broke my butt! There's a big crack in it!

Old Mac Donald had tourettes, ee ii ee ii errrrrr fat cow!!

is curious, does your cat ever look at you like you owe her money? Or is that just me?

Smiles and underwear have a lot in common, they both hold up your cheeks!

A cop just pulled me over and said: "Papers" so I said: "scissors! I win" and drove off

Just got off the treadmill..got so inspired tomorrow I might actually turn it ON!!

It's a highly possible you my be lasy...if you make it your goal not to miss the MCDONALD'S breakfast menu .

It's always after you had a big meal you decide ...I need to go on a diet.

They've come out with a new doll, Divorce Barbie A She comes with all of Ken's things.

youtube.com/watch?v=SczunG… ITS FANTASTIC BIT OF KIT.