“Hey, girl. You’ve got a nice cave. Can I dwell in it?” -Clay

If you’re near-sighted and far-sighted, aren’t you just sighted? You can see it all!

Happy Easter! 🐣🐇🥕💐💝

I hear the The Late Late Show with James Corden is looking for a new host…… 👀 🎙🧻

👇

Thinking about how one can do a lot of things with relish—relish relish.

Why is it that any time Bill Hader curses in ‘Barry’ I get super turned on? #barry #BarryHBO #billhader

Before I die, my dream is to: 1. Wear a hat. 2. Take off said hat. 3. Hit someone on the head with it when they’re being dumb, like the Skipper used to do to Gilligan. These are my demands.

#WarCrimeEyes

Life is short & hard enough for everyone. The fact that our evil piece of shit President is already causing so much misery is unforgivable.

That the President of the United States would order on Holocaust Memorial Day the banning of a people due to their religion is reprehensible

By the time I tweet this, the thing I was outraged about will be the thing I’m second-most outraged about.

a 2nd place #popularvote ribbon for Donald J. Trump . he only got 3,000,000 fewer votes, even with Putin, Wikileaks and the FBI on his side

ONE AND ALL! Watch the season premiere of Impractical Jokers tonight! Murr says so! DO WHAT MURR SAYS!

IPSY. ipsy.com/new?cid=autowa…

Donald Trump is wrong about a lot of things. But there is no area where he is more wrong than on the issue of climate change.

I would pay 10 million dollars to watch Donald trump draw a map of the world from memory

Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel, for having the strength to tell it like it is.

Trying to sleep before starting my 8pm shift has been futile. I'll probably fall asleep in the lift, yay! #safety3rd

Food for the lazy. #HAPPYBIRTHDAYDOORDASH drd.sh/vEvQGp/