I don’t want to disappear, sometimes I just want to be erased.

I am a NEW woman [I have a new shampoo and conditioner to use tonight]

me and who

It’s my biiiiirthdayyyy and you have to be nice to me, it’s the LAW

Bouncing on it is for amateurs, I'm gonna ascend.

Your Honor, he started it

I’m not good with talking about serious feelings without inserting a joke or 5 so please listen to these 47 songs that express it perfectly then we can reconvene

Messed up my eyeliner therefore I will be climbing into the dumpster where I belong

How dare you call me a goddess without specifying which one

Very very tall very slender men just give off a vibe that I can only describe as…horrifying

Sleepy tired silly me is the best me

Fun game: Tell each other what song you ruined for each other😍

Every time I see a squirrel safely crossing a road using a power line instead of zig zagging across the street I fight the urge to yell good job out my window

I’m definitely not ovulating , i say while side eyeing my thoughts when I see this hot guy

Anyone who tries to push my buttons only ever finds the off one.

It’s raining so committing arson might be a little harder but I will persevere🩷

Brushing my hair against my will

If you’re curious, you have to stick a fork in a minimum of 4 light sockets to get hair this poofy

“You’re beautiful and have amazing skin, can I wear it?” Sir, you are a stranger and that is a completely unhinged thing to say to someone…Will you marry me?

Ever just giggle your way through all of life’s traumas but then your mom dies and you’re like dang…can’t giggle my way through this one