It’s a home game. 36-21 🦅

It's really cool that Tom Brady got to be there for the Eagles' two Super Bowl wins! He might be a good luck charm. Have a great night!

At a fancy hotel bar by myself surrounded by couples checking my watch and the door every few minutes to appear like a man yearning for his most beloved to increase my cool mysterious Aura

You’d best be believing when I hop on the touchtunes, my fellow patrons will spend their hard earned dollars to skip my songs!

Todays NYT Connections was Bullshit

Me reading the declassified JFK papers

I’m going in…

If you live in North Jersey you might as well go back to bed and try again tomorrow. You can’t drive anywhere bc of the sinkholes, you can’t take NJ transit bc of the strike, Newark airport is about as functional as a glass hammer, and the Knicks are probably gonna choke tonight

Has nobody capitalized on “nonchalant-redheads” yet?

Is this a sign to gamble?

⚡🔌ELECTRIC BILL ROULETTE Let me show you what Trenton Democrat energy policy really looks like: 📉 April: $68 📈 May: $129 🎩🐇 June: $54 (after a statewide political gimmick credit) 💣 July: $331 This wasn’t a billing error or billing hack: it was an intentional Democrat

Can you imagine being some poor kid pumped full of drugs, waking up to a strange noise, and what you see is a horse, but the wrong size, and it looks like a nurse is trying to feed it a piano?

Not many beers better than the airport “I just got cut from the NFL for the 7th time” beer. Trust me , you wouldn’t understand.

Jalen Carter for Walter Payton Man of the Year Award #GOBIRDSDICKHEAD

Friendly reminder to mute your Yankee-Swiftie combo friends tonight

Happy birthday to all the horses!

I think I found our next contestant for Pro day The Yak Big Cat Stoolies Clubhouse 🏴‍☠️.

This is live btw

Hooray! Hooray! The First of May! Outside F*****g Starts Today!