#TBThursday to the 2017 summer retreat. The staff is looking looking forward to another positive and productive experience in 2018 under the great leadership of Coach Fraser. Special thanks to John Butler for his relentless work efforts.

Being asked “Why are you depressed? Life is beautiful!” is like saying “Why do you have asthma? There is so much air!”

Caller reporting seeing a male on his porch with a long gun pointing it at the church. Thinks he may have cocked it. A FEW MINUTES LATER... Police on scene, nevermind he's using a pressure washer

Father’s Day coming up. Can’t wait to be served Norovirus in bed.

These kids killed it👏🏻 x.com/CauseWereGuys/…

#NewProfilePic

I’m going to give away $30,000 to 1 random person who retweets this tweet AND follows Twitter Philanthropist @Pulte and Me!! (If you don’t follow us, we can’t DM you the money) Will show proof! Much love

May end up in the hospital for a few days after but finally seeing Ronald Christian TYLERBURGESS Max Georgiev Luke Holland Falling In Reverse live on Friday will be worth every second!!!

A thread of mine own #GoTShakespeare rewrites.

The #Deadpool2 teaser trailer inspired this happy little accident.

Find someone who looks at you the way a centaur looks at a topless, self-involved bird lady. #TudorRelationshipTip

I weep a little bit every time I find an improved "Hodor" door stop.

Daughter Elizabeth is making gingerbread monasteries and marzipan monks, then smashing them. Mary's crying. #TypicalTudorChristmas

Internet, listen... I’m a giver. I give and I give. But now I need you. I need 200k retweets to go dance with penguins. Please internet. Please retweet THIS TWEET. Please. A man needs his ‘guins. x.com/greenpeace/sta…

When I was a kid NyQuil put you in a coma. Now it's like taking pancake syrup.

The wolf whistler who had just got Anne and Matilda's attention had made a really, really big mistake.

Cute message board...menu items? Inspiring words? Nope. Movie quotes. 🎥 #montypython #holygrail

Congrats to @quakernationfhs the 6A Athletic Director of the year. Go PIL Athletics #wearePIL Portland Public Schools