*noé chamando os animais pra entrar na arca por ordem alfabetica* a zebra sentindo a água batendo no butico:

Me watching the waitress take food to the table that ordered after us

there’s a higher chance of seeing me in the cinema than in a relationship

Eu no meio da conversa, decidindo nunca mais falar com a pessoa

Me pretending this is my first time hearing the tea because I can't expose my source

I know that bite you took stuck to the roof of your mouth 😭

When your s£x tape got leaked buh the title says “big c@ck”

me running from the magician after he said “pick any card” and I picked his credit card

Doc: You had an appointment yesterday, why didn't you come ? Me: I was sick. Doctor

Man sit yo dumb ass down

Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic at 6AM. when I told you 10AM? Me : I wanted to surprise the bacteria Doctor:

Me: Hey man, what are you doing in my house? K!ller: I'm here to k!ll you Me: Hehe I can't d!e here K!ller: why not? Me: Because I'm in the living room K!ller:

Mixed doubles game ❌ Male Singles game with obstacles ✅

"Can I have 100 pizzas for the homeless? "

Teacher: You failed the test Me: No, you failed to educate me Teacher: