Me: Ever think that Halloween was like the original form of cos play? My 12yo daughter: Since most people would dress as animals, it was more like the original form of a furry convention.

Saw a sign on a telephone pole that said, “Dump runs” and a phone number. So I called to make sure they were OK.

Hear me out: a clock concierge service that comes to your place twice a year to reset everything.

Hear me out: it’s like have a penny leave a penny, but for reusable bags…. At the checkout. Those who remember them can subsidize the rest of us

When are we done with brands doing fake April fools posts?

I wonder if trombone players have higher rates of depression than other hornists.

Word to all Mothers today!

I demand an investigation into coffee rings on the table. Am I supposed to believe that a mug without any leaks can create that? Not buying it.

can we just agree that everyone says potato, and potahto is just silly?

Isn’t it messed up that one of the great lakes is called Superior? Wonder if the others feel slighted?

Would an alien think the Smuckers jars on the Today show are filled with old people?

How in today’s world are we still using the term “moist towelette”? Why haven’t the cringe police shut that down?

My teenager referred to UnTuckIt as maternity wear for men… that stung

The nicer the hotel, the harder it is to turn on the damn shower

Why are we not more outraged when lead singers pantomime air guitar during the real guitar solo?

Labeling moving boxes... 1st Box - "Master Bedroom Closet 3rd Shelf" Last 57 boxes - "Random Shit"

Baskin Robbins = ice cream Baskin & Robbins = attorneys at law

I know this entitled American thinking, but I don't think we should have to scroll at the way down to "U" on a drop-down list of countries.

Hear me out… a Fajita Steam Facial

Whenever we going to address the stunning ticket inflation at Dave & Buster’s? Family of four can no longer get an eraser and squish ball a days worth of skeeball labor.