It's not you, it's humanity.

Sorry if I’m not your cup of tea. I’m not even my own cup of tea. I’m barely a cup and I don’t like tea. I’m more like a rusty bucket of haunted bog water. Sorry if I’m not your rusty bucket of haunted bog water.

Quarantine Day 99: The cats have both completed online degrees in Chemistry. Now they just sit around knocking elements off the periodic table.

NY AG Letitia James: "We are seeking to dissolve the NRA for years of self-dealing and illegal conduct that violate New York’s charities laws and undermine its own mission.The NRA diverted millions of dollars away from its charitable mission for personal use by senior leadership"

BREAKING: New York AG files lawsuit to dissolve NRA axios.com/new-york-nra-l…

The older I get the more I side with the witches from fairy tales who moved out to the woods and killed someone who bothered them.

The Mets and Marlins took the field, had a 42-second moment of silence, and then walked off. The only thing left on the field: a Black Lives Matter shirt.

It’s like grandma used to say, “Who the fuck are you?”

Abortion should only be permitted in cases of rape, incest, and when the woman chooses to have one.

If you're feeling down about the world remember that somewhere, someone is planting a tree.

I don't care what you say about me in my obituary, but for the love of all that's holy, make sure it's grammatically correct.

Parents: A friendly reminder that the creator of Caillou is still out there somewhere, walking around like he did nothing wrong.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it a thousand times: There are three branches of government. Your church is not one of them.

Michelangelo was just 23 years old when he completed the Pieta. The fact he was a Ninja Turtle just makes this 10 times more fascinating...😀

If you don't stir the pot, shit burns to the bottom.

This all started because a Black man embarrassed him at a correspondents dinner. And now all these years later a Black woman has humiliated him in front of the world.