Enough rocking around the Christmas tree. It’s time to return to rocking around the clock.

(producer) sounds like a challenging role. who would be the right actor? (casting director, eyes closed & prayer hands up) imagine….gay poots

Just did the math and my friend was born exactly 9 months after #toyotathon

Cancer is like a cancer on the cancer community

dick pill customer support: hmm ya that happens sometimes, maybe check outside your spam box

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a lil while to start singing

Everything in its right place? Really Radiohead? Even racism?

Shaq dominating today’s news cycle

Legally they have to give you your stool sample back

Furniture store employees be like ya I work from HOM

Behemoth, Collector of Screams kept an audio message from you

“Peter Dinklage” sounds like what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls his penis

Splitting a bottle of wine with my step brother call that Drank’n Josh

You make me feel like a natural woman bro

Great prices at Costco but you gotta move each grain of rice to your car individually

Not me denying my identity 😂😂

Simply giving up for Lent

Disappointing to see #teamusa bobsled miss so many boost arrows on the track

Taking fraternity leave from work. Dorm roommate has a hangover

What are the chances my whole family has the same last name