Going to the club with a grape taped to my forehead

gotta suck to be the one typewriter monkey who gets cancelled for writing all of mein kampf

it's all because of that damn phone

The new Taylor Swift songs are indistinguishable to me from what's supposed to be her good music

welcome back, hobo johnson

when joe rogan smokes weed he actually becomes his alter ego, seth

any update on this?

being a baby must be wild like brother you're both fat AND bald lmao no wonder you cry all the time

STUPID and UGLY like every other "trend" 🖕😎 fuck you!!

alright fellas i might've invented something epic: smoking weed from a bong that's filled with beer 😎 and cum 🤙

okay but imagine if they made a version of mr. bean that was called mr. peen and he had his cock out

and then suddenly you're 28 and realize that all the good times are gone

how that 18th beer after work feels

your email didn't find me. i am hiding

my colleagues have given me the nickname "sybau", and even though i don't quite understand how they came up with it, it's neat to finally be included 😁

buddy used magnets to cook this

call that pussy bionicle the way i put my ball in her socket

it comes with an egg roll for free you fucking retarded asshole

drop the "+", i have erectile dysfunction