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Have you heard of that notorious Japanese car thief? Tomi Tukamota… Mornin!

I ordered a Chinese takeaway. Picked it up, and driving home the bag started moving. I thought WTF. I pulled over to open the bag & could see a tiny pair of eyes looking at me out of the bag. I thought, it's a rat, it's a mouse. But there it was, just a Peekin Duck.

#justsayin

Daine might not be. But Diane Abbott absolutely is a racist lout.

She was only the road layers daughter, but she liked her asphalt. Morning!

Pathetic. And, as expected, no replies allowed because Tom Rutland MP is a coward and a shill. If this is the quality of our current batch of MPs, I want my money back.

#Saturday Nic Jenkins Lesley - FPL ⚽️

#thescream

#sundayvibes

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate. #MondayMotivation

Fnarrrr! #MondayVibes

I bought a vinyl record yesterday called "Sounds Wasps make" When I got home and played it, I said to myself, “This doesn't sound anything like wasps." Then I realised, I was playing the bee side..

Our Frankie is a moron. Plain and simple- he’s just dim as can be… Sir Lefty Farr-Wright, Far-Right Parody Account - one for your fish tank, perhaps?

Liam at his finest 🤣🤣🤣

Another Keir Starmer lie ”uh, I’ll write to you…” It’s utter bollox. Just more blather and #LabourLies

I had a prostate examination this morning. The doctor gave me the thumbs up. Good morning!

Saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and I thought to myself... “I wonder what his handicap is...?” Morning!

Don’t forget- it’s always best to foster a dog. #thursdayvibes