archie: [rolls over in bed and knees betty in the ribs] betty: ow! you kneed me. archie, sleepily: yeah, i do need you. betty: [voice cracking] okay.

archie: i do not have a crush on betty. archie: she’s just someone i stare at and think about all the time and when she’s not here it ruins my day.

archie: guys, this is my ex-girlfriend, betty betty: you need to stop introducing me like that betty: i'm his wife

veronica: you sure have been giving betty a lot of attention lately. archie: she injured her wrist. veronica: i got stabbed in the leg. archie: then go to the hospital?

[at their wedding] priest: repeat after me- archie: after me priest, whispering to betty: are you sure you want to marry this one?

archie: FOUR MONTHS toni: what’s he yelling about? betty, hiding behind kevin: no idea archie: you stood by and watched me water a fake plant for FOUR MONTHS

archie: i like your pants. betty: thanks, they were 50% off. archie: i’d like them 100% off. betty: the store can’t just give clothes away? archie: that’s not what i- betty: that’s a terrible way to run a business, archie.

veronica: why is betty crying? reggie: she found out archie is engaged veronica: but they are engaged? reggie: she is very very very drunk

archie, reading a box of baby formula: shake well before feeding archie: [picks up the baby] betty: NO

archie: …but do you LIKE like me?? like, more than a friend? betty, literally at the altar in a wedding dress: guess.

betty: your smile? makes my day archie: your happiness? live for that kevin: a room? get one reggie, from another room: hotel? trivago

toni: you do realize that there's a rumor going around that you're in love with betty, right? archie: a rumor? are you telling me that people are doubting it?

betty: archie and i have that easy kind of chemistry where we finish each other’s- archie: -sentences! betty: don’t inteRRUPT me

betty (in shock): didn’t you die? archie:: that was hours ago, things change!

archie: heyyy betty don’t get mad but-STOP THAT’S YOUR MAD FACE I SAID DON’T DO THAT

betty: archie was never really good at flirting archie: what are you talking about? it worked with you betty: oh you know what? you're right! we met, you flirted, and then BAM, 15 years later, you had me!