HUSBAND & FATHER? Your wife will always be your biggest and oldest child who requires the most adult supervision.

Wife back on the playstation? Kids asleep? This is YOUR time to relax. Did you know that ironing can help you to de-stress and de-bloat?

MEN! Is having it all really possible? Kids, relationship, natural curls, imaginative packed lunch ideas & a PH balanced penis?

Apparently 'not doing enough housework is making men fat', according to a new study. Come on guys, dance while you mop! It's a no brainer.

People often say to me, "You've got your wife well trained" because she helps me with the housework. It's true. I'm so lucky.

Wonder why your wife 'can't iron'? Science has the answer! It's because women's sub-retinal prolobes aren't wired to see creases.

"My idea was ignored only to be repeated by a female colleague 5 mins later to interest & applause," John, age 44. Wow, she sounds GREAT.

WAKEY WAKEY FRAZZLED DADS! Now is the ideal time to tackle festive hair worries, make a pom pom garland and moisturise your penis.

TODAY'S DEBATE: Can a working dad EVER meet his father in law's standards for cleanliness in the bathroom? Should he even try?

Dad with a career? Beat stress by snacking on onions, staying hydrated, getting eight hours sleep & dressing for your face shape.

Dear #WhiskySanta I’ve been really good this year, please may I have this from the chaps Master of Malt masterofmalt.com/whiskies/tober…

MEN! Accentuate parts of your body you like e.g. PH balanced penis, to draw attention away from problem areas, e.g. wonky nose.

Working dad? Instead of asking your wife to help you get the house ready for Christmas, why not get up earlier and do it yourself?

WAKEY WAKEY BUSY DADS! Wife & kids still asleep? Now is a good time to bake muffins, iron her tops and moisturise your delicate penis area.

Dad with a career? Pay attention to your hair. Dry, brittle, unloved & needy hair can make any man feel insecure & come across as incapable.

my dad just knocked over my model Death Star and broke it but he did not apologize he said people should stop making Death Stars I'm shaking

what's the word for when your father is frozen in carbonite but emotionally for your whole childhood

Wouldn't it be hilarious if the First Order built a third Death Star? LOL. Even they aren't that stupid.

I'm going to stand in this spot and stare at the ocean for 20 years so I can turn around dramatically if someone ever shows up.

@CrapViews mycomputerhatesme Happy new... oh. #newyearsameabuse