??? Why is that there

some of y’all never close your eyes in the sun and allow it to envelop you in feelings of peace and contentment and it shows

dude stop before i develop a strange and powerful fondness for you

my broke buddy got twins on the way and he hit a $400 parlay the other night and ordered a parrot online

unfortunately for me I get Jack Sparrow drunk & not sexy mysterious girl drunk

In 5 years I see myself managing an H&R Block with a bbl. Ideally it’s between a chipotle and jersey mikes but I know realistically it’ll be next to a wingstop

Tellin myself the perc aint hit yet sittin on the toilet playin she will be loved by maroon 5 off my phone speaker

Do u wanna come over and lay in bed like the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

taking 6 allergy pills and acting punk as hell at tj maxx

I have died everyday waiting for u bro

I love talking to old men cause you can send when you’re being mean to me this is who you’re being mean to with a photo of a baby deer and they’ll be like oh my godddd

drinking 13 beers is actually good for you if they’re served at a sunny outdoor seating

yesterday a guy at the grocery store said he was using chatgpt to make a grocery list and I straight up stabbed him in the parking lot. there was so much blood