I think we can all agree that the dumbest thing to come out of the pandemic is gem painting.

Sometimes I like to treat my bananas like a recently married friend. “What happened to you man? You went soft.”

Give me grandpa bachelor or give me death!

I schedule my emails so the recipients don’t think I’m out of my mind emailing at 3am. But I think it has the reverse affect since they get my fever dream ramblings as if I sent them at 10am with a cool head.

So it seems like you WILL pay someone to come up with stories…

My husband and I booked a night in a hotel to give our ice maker a chance to catch up.

When you assault a child then continue with a thriving career it would be hard to understand how a person could lose their job for kissing someone.

Capitalism will bankrupt every future generation to maintain the comfort of a few thousand people. And we’re told every other ideology is impractical.

So let’s get back to work WGA and remember what we built as a community together for 148 days. Let’s rebuild. Promote your support staff. Train/mentor lower level and mid level writers. Hire Black, Brown, Queer and Disabled writers. Make the pipeline a pipeline again. Let’s go!

All my love to the blandest man I’ve ever seen claiming he’s judged for his playboy looks. #LoveIsBlindS5

Love is blind, please make every 5th pod a session with a therapist.

The best thing about this show is how frequently the men cry and I mean that with utter sincerity. #LoveIsBlind

Not me about to buy an $80 pair of overalls for a child I don’t have.

What’s your attachment style is you feel bad for the bathroom stall that rarely gets used?

I’m not a genius like our founders so I confess I don’t understand the wisdom in having one of our three branches of government be a gang of bribed authoritarians who gather each June to demolish the functional parts of society.

Will I ever love anything as much as that one guy on instagram loves make things out of chocolate?

Hot New Slang Alert: when you’re leaving town and you have you eat all your groceries before they go bad, that’s called eating out the fridge. As in, “Before we go to Vegas, can you help me eat out the fridge?” You’re welcome.

Give me overpriced home goods in a boutique that stocks only 1 of everything so I can fool myself into feeling alive.

I’ll be honest. I expected more people to write my name in.