JUST IN: Elon Musk reveals stats showing that 85% of ALL Twitter users are crypto-moonboys.

JUST IN: Mark Cuban (Mark Cuban) offers Gary Gensler a position on Shark Tank; FTX advisor, Kevin O'Leary aka Mr. Wonderful, backs decision. #FireGaryGensler #SEC

BREAKING: The time Elon Musk spends on Twitter has reduced significantly to just 14 hours per day; insiders say he’s switching his focus to his upcoming memecoin launch.

BREAKING: Leaked documents reveal Gary Gensler has been offered an advisory role in FTX relaunch.

JUST IN: Elon Musk reveals that $DOGE and $BEE holders will receive priority-whitelist for the new camouflaged Tesla Cybertruck.

BREAKING: Gary Gensler to officially launch his very own NFT project “Gary Dicks”; holders will have access to his call channel.

BREAKING: Elon Musk sells $300m of $TSLA to ‘buy the dip’.

LATEST NEWS: Crypto crash leads local man to invent time travel; 'just going back to sell at the peak' he explains.

BREAKING: Elon Musk has been spotted napping; many believe Elon doesn’t sleep but the image below proves otherwise.

JUST IN: Trump NFT holders become vocal.

BREAKING: We just found out that the secret to mining Bitcoin is to whisper 'blockchain' into your computer's USB port three times. Results may vary, but it's worth a try!

JUST IN: Cryptocurrency degenerate visits McDonalds following the recent market fud.

TODAYS NEWS: We just received an email from NASA offering to sell us exclusive moon-based crypto. Who knew the moon had its own financial district?

BREAKING: ZachXBT is getting ZachXBT’d for an article published by ZachXBT; it appears CT is getting behind ZachXBT.

BREAKING NEWS: Gary Gensler says 'i dont think BlackRock are doing anything illegal so we wont even look at them'

JUST IN: Elon Musk accepts shills from memecoins ONLY; no gaming projects.

JUST IN: Elon Musk reveals why he took down Bob. 'I just want crypto twitter to pay attention to my dogs' $FLOKI to pump 10x today.

Who will win when PAULY and ben.eth fight?

JUST IN: The FBI have received several reports of shady meme dealers recently; they urge everyone to DYOR.

BREAKING NEWS: Twitter CEO Elon Musk is changing the twitter logo from blue to #ff6000