If anyone knows a guy who knows a guy who can make a thing happen with a trebuchet, DM me. Must get an athletic built individual inside a castle. Vague inquiries only. No direct connections.

New Business idea: a moving company that comes to your house and only moves your furniture by humping it. CUSHION PUSHERS

If they made a sequel to Silence of the Lambs it should be called Silence of the Sheep.

There's an old man in front of me at the register and he's paying with a check. Someone please feed my dog for me, she eats twice a day

So fl are we staying at home or naw? I feel so quaranteased rn

government: we're declaring a stay-at-home order make-a-wish foundation: okay timmy but like what have you always wanted to do in this room tho?

Isolation update: I'm handling it pretty well but my gfs cat keeps giving me threatening looks...

If you sleep with your doors and windows unlocked and sleep through intruders DM me and I'll come protect you. Anyone with spare tp gets priority

Waiting to get in publix feelin like im at a strip club. Pretty sure the bouncer caught me looking at an ad for their breasts #COVID19