That Kill Bill Pt 2 rip the eyeball out move, but it's me scared that every Canadian Goose is capable of that.

How do you know if you got a skateboarding dog? You got lucky or you duct taping when the camera off?

Guys be like "I love reading books" and be reading the same book for 17 months.

Imagine being mad at not being able to see the fight that everyone who saw it was mad that they saw it.

Videos be like "wait for it" and then someone dies.

You ever have someone tell you their dream, and you can't believe you sleep with this stupid person?

Honestly, this is the most Kevin Durant thing Kevin Durant would do.

Prime not leaving Colorado Buffaloes Football any time soon. He likes Subarus and women with big hands way too much now.

I'm telling you these cabinet picks are genius. You pick the guy who pushed imaginary pool oil on tv and the villain from Chip & Dales cartoons, they get rejected, and you get the guy you really wanted who will outlaw dancing in public.

Wish young people would bring back smoking the same way they brought back vinyl. There’s no way Zyn bros and vape gals not abusing me in an old age home in 40 years. Shit, 30 years. Forgot I’m already old.

Whenever I think of evil personified, I think of Percival C. McLeach voiced by George C. Scott in Rescuers Down Under.

Just finished Blood Meridian and I'm not sure I'll let someone merge in traffic ever again.

It's like Taylor Sheridan also got sick of watching those talentless nothings throw paint on Monets and decided "How about a Yellowstone but oil?" Also, Ali Larter about to screw with the heads of every girl I graduated with in high school.

Boo This man.

What if Biden put on his aviators, pulled out a Glock, and shot both turkeys instead? Those are the Dems I miss.

Yo, I'm diving into a bunch of Walt Phelan songs and they're fucking great. Great production and song writing. Well done! open.spotify.com/album/4ze8dFei…

Wow, a McDonald's employee turned him in. That's the most Filet-O-Fish thing I've ever heard.

📷Manually folding a cat’s ears and laughing at its lovable, hate-soaked, dumb-bitch ass📷

Nikki Glaser just did an Adam Sandler impression of Timothée Chalamet's name...and then got Adam Sandler join in lol #GoldenGlobes

I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.