So now Ikea sells a Handmaid’s Tale lamp and it’s half off but you still have to make your own bonnet because JFC of course you do.

Honestly even the tooth fairy is struggling

The PE teacher didn’t show for his Google meet so the kids moved to the chat and my kid is the one using predictive text in Spanish to talk about the police and telling boys she’s never met that she loves them. So far virtual 1st grade is going well.

Those mornings of really quality parenting when you point out to your 3-year-old, multiple times, that her hands aren't painted on

🎧 I didn't know that I was starvin' 'til I tasted you...🎧 6yo: 'Til she tasted what, Mom? Me: Um...WATERMELON. She really loves watermelon.

Anyone else hoping "The Closer" Donald J. Trump declares that he simply can't work with these uncooperative legislators and quits tomorrow? x.com/nytimes/status…

Parenting is really just wanting your children to have wild, expansive, active imaginations, while hating every min of playing make-believe.

My 6yo daughter's 1st note to a boy details all the bones motocross racer Ashley Fiolek has ever broken. All because of Rebel Girls.

We could do with less of a need for last-minute sermon rewrites. Not for my sake, to be clear, but for the sake of the world. Kyrie eleison.

In other news, water is wet. m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_59…

Professional Sports 2020

I'm a pastor. Prayer is literally my job. Still, I fixed it.

"Soft, luscious balls of unbridled vigor." Costco is saucier than I had realized!

Just a reminder that today is the anniversary of when more Americans voted for Hillary Clinton to be the next president than Donald Trump.

Just a reminder that, especially this year, 'tis NOT the season to teach our kids any kind of social expectation around sitting on a strange man's lap in exchange for something he will give them later.

For the black women of Alabama we give thanks and praise, O Lord! #DougJones

The guy who thought he could take whatever he wanted from women and girls - without facing any consequences - didn’t win. Just in case we forget next time, this is how it’s supposed to go.

Someone is revising the presidential job description, right? Like, to add “diplomat” maybe somewhere near the top?

As a taxpayer, I’d be interested in helping to fund an IQ test so that Donald J. Trump can prove his point. #VeryStableGenius

Biathlon = Combo of cross-country skiing + rifle shooting. Alternative biathlon combos: Snow-shoeing + splitting wood Making snow angels + cooking spaghetti Bowling + wrapping presents Jumping jacks + dressing a small child That giant parachute from gym class + Mad-Libs