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Constantly running into David Cumming's old flames at the supermarket...

New psychopath trait discovered - man standing UPRIGHT in a park, reading. Lemme tell ya, I did not care for it. Put me very on edge.

Science can't even determine the final tally

Well.........................🚨🚀

❤️

If you're ever hanging out w a smartwatch guy and they keep annoyingly checking it for msgs, might I suggest 'BEEP BOOPing' your own bare wrist and saying 'come in Star Fleet, requesting holo-extraction from Cryoplurge 9'. They realllly love it. 😎

Genuine Hinge chat: Him: love the pic of u in that red dress Me: thx! Altho apparently I'm basic, cos a pic in a red dress is a dating profile cliché Him: Oh really? Which cliché is that? Me:.................. Excuse me while I walk into the sea in despair

Sorry, I was in the spa, did I miss something?.....

My face is saying Let's. Fucking. Go. My brain is saying Come back to me in four to six weeks when this has started to feel real. Thank you for your patience caller.

Ok, Athens babyyyyyy - what to do? Where to go? What to see? (Old stuff? Is the answer old stuff? But which old stuff is worth it!) Going with a 70yr old so be sure to include raves, sex shows, extreme sports and live sacrifices please 🙏🏼

HOW D'YA LIKE THEM (BIG) APPLES?????? 🤗🤗🤗

Have never felt or looked this bad-ass - cannot wait to be a disgusting sweaty IRL mess on actual honest to god BROADWAY 😭😭😭

And posting stuff like this is WHY SHE'LL GET CAUGHT

Sleeper agent ACTIVATED!!

The Operation Mincemeat team are trying to focus on opening on Broadway but a very exciting new commission has changed everything...  #broadwayshow #matrix #operationmincemeat

Shining examples of what humans can be ✨ 📸: Julieta Cervantes #OperationMincemeat #Broadway #firstpreview 1/