asmo: so i'm thinking a spring wedding, or maybe a summer wedding. i don't want it to be too cold mc: what are you talking about??!? we're not even engaged asmo: asmo: so THAT'S what i forgot to do last night [submitted by Mika || not recovering from college]

Solomon's cooking is getting out of hand! 🔥🔥🔥 For the last Solomon Saturday of #obeytober incorrect obey me! ✦Incorrect Obey Me!✦ #obeyme #obeymesolomon #obeymefanart #obeymemasters

mc: hey lucifer, could you do me a small favor? lucifer: i would literally kill for you, but go on.

mammon: *runs into a glass door and knocks himself out* mc: *turns around and walks away fast* solomon: isn't that your boyfriend? mc: SHHHH lower your voice!!

beel: why is satan crying in the corner? asmo: he took one of those “which demon brother are you” quizzes. beel: so, who’d he get? asmo: lucifer.

lucifer: can you do something for me? mammon: of course. lucifer: ...and can you do a good job on it? mammon: whoa, whoa, whoa, you're changing the whole deal here!

solomon: you rank your friends by their appearance? asmo: calm down, 12.

satan: mammon, you think every round fruit is an apple mammon: no, i don’t. satan: ok, what are these? *holds up cherries* mammon: tiny apples satan: and those? *points at pumpkins* mammon: halloween apples satan: *throws the pumpkin at him*

mammon: i hate when levi says, "are you even listening to me?" mammon: it's such a random way to start a conversation...

beel: the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. asmo: the quickest way to a man's heart is you on your knees. belphie: the quickest way to a man's heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs. [submitted by Caithlyn]

belphie: i want to wake up with you for the rest of your life, mc. mc: i wake up at like 6:00 am. belphie: okay, nevermind then. [submitted by Caithlyn]

satan: think fast! belphie: die young! asmo: leave a sexy corpse! [submitted by Caithlyn]

mammon: s-so what? i made one mistake, big deal! lucifer:...see, mammon, the problem is... your mistakes are not that rare. belphie: yeah. since your entire existence is a mistake and all. [submitted by Caithlyn]

satan: i wasn't listening, but i strongly disagree with whatever lucifer proposed. belphie: *sleeptalking* same! [submitted by Caithlyn]

lucifer: i tried to write ‘i’m a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.

belphie: the hardest i work is when i’m figuring out how to get out of doing work

mammon: sometimes, i don’t realize an event was traumatic until i tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

lucifer: what do you think? asmo: do you actually want my opinion, or do you just want me to agree with you?

cop: you're going to prison for forgery mammon *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now

mc: [pours salt in coffee and gives it to beel as a dare] drink this beel: oh uh, thanks beel: [drinks the whole cup] mc: [nervously] uh didn’t it… taste weird to you? beel: yeah, but i didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so i drank it all mc: [tearing up] o-oh, okay