So, I guess he plans on making a decision on whether to bomb Iran the same day he’ll release his health care plan — in two weeks... Yup...

His response: “How about you and me get together at some nice cozy romantic Hawaiian restaurant and have ourselves our own private little luau? I’ll bring the booze...”

“I decided to put up a flag pole in front of and in back of the White House because at the G7 Summit, all the other leaders told me they’d like to see me stick a pole up — uh, on the White House Lawn...”

“My brothers, we have a difficult job in front of us. We have to save the world from Donald Trump...”

He looks like they’ll need to be digging next to Ivana before too much longer...

“Doctor, when I recover, will my heart still be healthy?” “Can’t say. We haven’t detected a heart in you yet...”

Forget about the price of eggs. We’ve got a lot bigger things to worry about now...

THIS JUST IN: Ancestry.com has determined that JD Vance’s family came from wolves, which disqualifies him for citizenship

“Don’t tell me there’s no Epstein client list. You’re on the list!.. You’re on the list!... You’re on the list!...”

“Pete, what do you know about Russia using deadly chemical weapons against Ukraine?” “I have no idea. Maybe they’re putting fluoride in Ukraine’s water supply. I’ll check with RFK”...

He kept stopping hikers and telling them to watch him pull a rabbit out of his hat...

“Dear Heavenly Father, please have some other network give Stephen Colbert a TV show...”

THIS JUST IN: Stephen Miller was spotted walking his pet rat down Pennsylvania Avenue... Film at 11.

Or in the words of Melania, “Who is Kennedy? I never hear of him. I rather have my name on front of Pussycat Lounge on K Street with Wednesday special on all lap dances...”

THIS JUST IN: Trump Fires Caddie For Recording Correct Golf Score On His Scorecard

THIS JUST IN: Trump Given A Set Of Medals From The ‘84 Olympics By The 2028 US/Los Angeles Olympic Commitee, Immediately Proclaims Himself The Greatest Olympic Athlete Since Jim Thorpe

His next career move will probably be to join ICE...

“Free Epstein files for everyone!”

“Governor Abbott, by the power vested in me by my Trump Bible, which I’ll be glad to sell you a copy of for the low price of only $59.95, I command you to stand up and walk!”...

Well, folks, welcome to the Martial Law Follies. When will they be coming to your town?... pbs.org/newshour/polit…