Oh, man! Legend. Can I get an ussie?

Mate, you are a legend for doing something so stupid. I mean, it's mental. They're gonna fucking murder you.

They don't say "out of bounds". They say "into touch".

Hey, but taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, probably doing it wrong.

If we see each other in our dreams, let's goof around a little bit, pretend like we don't know each other.

At first, I was thinking about not sleeping. Then I was thinking about thinking about not sleeping. And that... That's never good.

Ready to boogie whenever you are.

So, these Victorian-era headmasters, all they wanted to do was get the boys to stop masturbating. So they invented a sport where the boys wouldn't use their hands at all, and they thought that might do the trick.

Hey, how y'all doing? I'm Ted Lasso, your new coach.

Didn't get much sleep on the plane, so anything you got, a little boost of caffeine, should do the trick. You know, mochaccino, Frappuccino... Any coffee thing, as long as I can't taste a hint of coffee, is good.

You know, I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right.

What's a goalie? The fella with the big Mickey Mouse hands and the... by the net.

I want him to feel like he's being fucked in the ass with a splintered cricket bat. Just in and out, over and over, in a constant loop. Like a GIF. That's what GIFs do, isn't it? They're just... endless.

Jesus, Mary and fuckface Joseph! Eyes on the man you're marking! Come on!

He's fine. That's it. Nothing wrong with that, most people are fine. But it's not about him. It's about why the fuck you think he deserves you. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you've been struck by lightning. Don't you dare settle for fine.

It does make you realize how scary it is, allowing yourself to be intimate again. I mean, you really do have to be brave. And that's it right there, isn't it? I need to be brave enough to let someone wonderful love me, without fear of being hurt and without fear of being… Safe.

I'm going to insult something and then try it because I'm a good friend.

I have a secret: I make myself big. Before I go into the room, I find somewhere private, I stand up on my tiptoes, put my arms in the air and make myself as big as possible to feel my own power.

Jamie Tartt is a muppet. And I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch.

Look at you in there, looking like a brunette Oscar the Grouch. #TedLasso