I just want to settle down and grow old with someone who only wants to hang out 3 times a week.

*dips antidepressant in ranch dressing*

Actual footage of me listening to mgk give it to everyone on Floor 13. #HotelDiablo

me spraying rosewater all over my face: this is gonna fix everything

When girls walk through a grocery store produce section in a summertime outfit

My toddler wants to do everything by himself which is great except he’s fucking terrible at everything.

(answering work phone) hello you’ve reached work

“I took a shower” -married flirting

who is the corona virus’s publicist

my favorite coworker is definitely the keurig.

every Tik Tok dance looks like lazy cheerleading

Hold on, let me move some money around *transfers $9 from savings to checking*

my dad just texted "can you give me a call" so either he wants to say hi or my whole family is dead. could be both

The best bug spray is called staying inside.

Will there be an opener at your hard rock show on 9/9? Can’t wait! mgk

I love how my parents act like none of this is their fault.

don't show me a picture of myself. please never show me what i look like. first off it's incorrect. secondly. why do i look like that