My son texted me this morning and told me he had left his laptop behind. I replied, “Too bad. Learn some responsibility.” And then we laughed and laughed and I got into the car and dropped it off at the school for him.

s: we should have our moms over for dinner soon to talk the logistics for when we’re in Nashville. c: we probably should’ve considered that before booking the trip

I've decided that I'm not happy with my body but instead of diet and exercise I'd just like to ask you all to avert your eyes.

a: you like this one? (referencing a Peppa video) m: no, I don’t like peppa g: you like toys? m: not really g: you like dada? m: yeahhhh 🤣

a: wow, me pooping a lot in potty m: oh you’re pooping!? a: and peeing m: oh both, cool a: I like it

m: thanks for being the greatest kid ever t: welcome 💁🏼‍♀️ m: but screw you for letting me thinking I could have more cause these two are insane!

i think jobs should have 30 minutes of silent reading time every day after lunch just like fifth grade did

you relax for 15 minutes after work and next thing you know it’s 10pm

everyone keeps saying “teagan’s too young for braces, expander, etc” and considering she brought Pooh to her appointment today probably validates everyone’s statement

I live for a perfectly timed airport experience. ✈️

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

the question is, can the plane safely land in Pittsburgh? 💧 ✈️

I mean… the plane nap after 3 beers waiting for my delayed flight is about hit. 😴 🍻

T asked me to put music on, I said sure what do you want? and she said that whiskey song, so I put “A Bar Song” on, she said nope, not that one. 🤦🏼‍♀️ naturally she wanted Morgan Wallen; #WhiskeyWhiskey

Congratulations to NL #AllStarGame starter Paul Skenes! #Pittsburgh #Pirates #LetsGoBucs

It makes zero difference what your political allegiances are. This is a sad day. This is an unacceptable day. This is too much. Way too much.

got carded for my margarita at lunch with my daughter 💁🏼‍♀️

“daddy, you please push me high in the sky with the treeeeees” #swingswing

T is a vibe. took her to the mall for BTS shopping, and she said she prefers to be home “there’s too many people”

I am not mentally well enough to explain to my 7 year old, with a heart of absolute gold, that there are bad people out there threatening her safety at school. this is ridiculous.