This moment in SpongeBob fucking broke me... Like I legit feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Patrick's reaction when he realizes no chocolate. The pain is so real it fucking HURTS. He stole a balloon and now he can't even enjoy chocolate. He's truly alone. Oh my God!

Fuck no. We want Shane Gillis and Sydney Sweeney! 🇺🇸

Just throwing this out there: If Sydney Sweeney ever asks me out, I plan to reject her with great speed.

What is Calvin and Hobbes? Tell me more.

Holy shit. Nintendo be like: >*casually drops new Kirby Air Riders game* >it's the most overtly PRO-WHITE MALE game in vidya history >...and the left is SEETHING 🔥🤣 >mfw

I've been kekking practically all day over this... 😂 Nintendo just leveled up to Gigachad by adding based, PRO-WHITE MALE themes to Kirby Air Rider and the entire Internet is BIG MAD! 😂 *grabs some popcorn and Zyns*

In a display of great strength and bravery, President Trump just announced he will spend all night inside a haunted castle! 🔥

I just realized why nobody criticizes Mr. Beast: 424 million subscribers. That's a thousand shooters on every block in America. Fuck with his operation and you're chalked.

NEVER give money to the homeless—they'll just waste it on something cheap.

I invented an image called "Pepe Gillis." It combines Pepe and Shane Gillis.

As a Midwesterner, I never realized how weird our slang is until I moved to NYC... Whenever I bump into someone, I instinctively go "Oops!" Everyone always gets SO confused! 😂

BREAKING: Donald Trump makes his first public appearance in days, cryptically instructing Americans to "hold the mayonnaise." 😨

Just overheard a fat guy talking about food. You can't make this stuff up. 😂

A first look at Masahiro Sakurai's remaster of Super Mario 64:

NYC's mayoral election is already suppressing voters. 🙃 I kept up with every debate and poll only to find out I can't vote. All because I've never actually been to America.

This is my first Halloween as a Catholic, so tonight I'm handing out the Body of Christ. Just gave one to a trick-or-treater and somehow he INSTANTLY knew what it was. 😂 Based kid.

I suspect my penny collection will be worth millions very soon.

Sean "Diddy" Combs will voice Baby Yoshi and sing a song in the Super Mario Galaxy Movie. Source: Nintendo

Same energy.

This is Paint's dad, logging on here to share some sad news: Last night, as my son was driving home from work, there was a deadly car accident which unfortunately didn't involve him at all. Everyone please pray for my son's early and gruesome demise! 💐