Dating single moms is cool cause we always have snacks and we’re used to disappointment

slow down, playa- there’s no “m” in voluptuous

Saw my reply guy on another woman's post. Well hello there slut

I’m retired as in tired again

everyone: "she’s a hoe" me in her DMs: so i heard some good things about you

Hanging on by a string but at least it's cheese.

I cannot take hints. I need you to spell that shit out for me

When I finally break it will undoubtedly be because I had to type my email address in on the tv

This all feels like the final season of Roseanne.

You know you done fucked up when you get Californians on Newsome's side.

cheating is one thing. but you took them to my taco spot i showed you? dirty bitch

Why call it, foreplay, when you could have called it "interlewd".

the transition from bikini to tankini has been a humbling one I proclaim, as I deep throat a second Bavarian creme

You’re a virgin who can’t drive

Due to the extreme heat today I'm advising that everyone shut the fuck up

Him -You're delusional Me -You spelt delicious wrong

Dogs sigh a lot for something that doesn’t have to pay bills.

We've got a shituation here

Hear me out: Nap dates