Funny Quote of the Day: "I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me." - Emo Philips

Funny Quote of the Day: "There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn

Funny Quote of the Day: "I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!" - Steven Wright

Funny Quote of the Day: "I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill

Funny Quote of the Day: "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal." - Emma Goldman

Funny Quote of the Day: "If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend." - Doug Larson

Funny Quote of the Day: "You're only as good as your last haircut." - Fran Lebowitz

Funny Quote of the Day: "I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still." - Calvin Trillin

Funny Quote of the Day: "Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed." - Charles M. Schulz

Funny Quote of the Day: "If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." - Abraham Lincoln

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Funny Quote of the Day: "Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." - Fred Allen

Funny Quote of the Day: "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Noel Coward

Funny Quote of the Day: "Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near." - Helen Rowland

Funny Quote of the Day: "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth." - Erma Bombeck

Funny Quote of the Day: "The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face." - Clare Boothe Luce

Funny Quote of the Day: "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

Funny Quote of the Day: "We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder." - Andre Maurois

Funny Quote of the Day: "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

Funny Quote of the Day: "The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old." - Jean Kerr