Musicians, I suggest you stop flying British Airways . As they so kindly put it, “if the guitar breaks you can play one string.” #🖕🏼BA

Bruh, British airways, their bitchy little sister just told me I needed to buy a ticket for my guitar. #🖕🏼ba 😘 x.com/brettyoungmusi…

Folks. Watch me in a wig. Haulin’ oats coming in hot at Spaghettinis! Nov 2, 2018 spaghettini.com/entertainment/…

Drink every time jim nance looks at the camera with disgust because Tony Romo is suuuuuuper excited.

I think #WorldsBest just discovered a LEGIT replacement for the chipmunks. #TNTBoys

Not parody. He actually said this. #TrumpPressConference

If Ruth Bader Ginsburg dies Sarah Silverman and I are gonna move to D.C. and 'Weekend at Bernies' that shit until 2020

Basically, my Apple news feed alerts at this point just say "screw you."

Grammys?! Whatevs. My man @carsondaly won the Pebble beach Pro Am. What a baller!! How do you have 13 jobs, kids, and still play?

Getting a tooth pulled is less painful and takes less time then a phone call with Frontier Internet

Y'all, I'll be telling stories and slanging songs tonight from 8-9 PST on wakeuphollywood with Nikhil Korula

Been an awesome time with so many amazing musicians this week on the Dave Koz Cruise. Definately being taken to... fb.me/AAzdrLUU

Would you all please join me in wishing my AMAZING little sister @kelsieghoppy the happiest of birthdays. If... fb.me/1kvOBSEzs

This is gonna be spectacular. Can't wait to see it. Atta boy Dave Koz ! x.com/davekozmusic/s…

A beautiful conversation about race and MLK is happening on Tavis Smiley - on 🧵 @therealtavissmiley #real

In trying to troll a trump tweet, I accidentally liked a trump tweet. Does that mean I pulled a Cruz?

If my daughter had any idea the amount of candy I sneak from her, she would basically think I was an #evilperson

Alabama voters, if you vote for Moore and he wins, we’re sending Andy dick to lick your faces and grab your butts . See how you like it.

At this point, I’m surprised there isn’t an “Uber” for Guns yet. #nomorelost