‘Footballs not coming home, BUT YOU CAN’ I will fight anyone who try’s to tell me romance isn’t dead

Just to let everyone know that Andrew Walsh the ‘vegetarian’ ate a chicken tender tonight and loved it but it’s ok cause he just did a ‘Megan Doherty’ and had a slight relapse but should be back on track soon/tomorrow

I spend way to long watching the oddly satisfying bit on Snapchat

I’ll have a jug of your finest liposuction please WETHERSP00NS

Sign of a good night?

Piers Morgan is a knobhead

My dad facetimed me to say happy bday, when I told him he was 2 days early he tried to convince I was wrong by saying I was just drunk

10 year old me loves 20 year old me right now The Hoosiers

Not many people can say they've been hit in the eye with a lemon, but thanks to @CameoBmth I can, love hate relationship❤️💔

It really helps to have Phillip Schofield as your lock screen when you lose your phone

Look like shit, feel like shit, skin is shit, probably need a shit. Consistency is key👩🏽‍🍳🏋🏽‍♀️🏄🏽‍♀️

Thanks dad, would be great if the pipes weren't frozen and I had running water in my flat👩🏼‍🌾💅🏼🍸

Thanks to the person who found my bank card last night and then tried to buy some chicken and petrol with it, bet it was fun for you when my card got declined cause I have no money lol

i didn’t do. much of anything today. but that’s alright. it’s best to stay consistent

Lying in bed right now can’t believe I made the decision to walk 30 mins home instead of having another pint and waiting for a bus to take me, is this what being half an adult feels like? Probably not but I hope my mum is proud