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Proud to take over from Mr Coyle at Blackburn Rovers. The lure of free chicken and Indian holidays swayed me to the job.

Just found @Imowencoyle 's diary in my new desk.. "2/6/16: First day at my new job.. I have literally no idea what I'm doing. Love Owen"

"10/12/16 Day 192... Just lost against Preston. Can't believe I'm still here, surely my time must be up soon?!? Owen. xoxo"

"21/2/17 Burnley ✔ Bolton ✔ Wigan ✔ Rovers ✔ Which North West team can I ruin next? Maybe Preston. Farewell, Rovers. Owen. Xoxo"

That's enough of that dingle's memoirs now. Fuck off back to Houston with your HandEgg, Scottish cunt. We're onto bigger and better things.

First day of taking training with my new squad, and I rock up half an hour late because I slept in.

I was having a strange dream that I'd taken charge of a club fighting for safety, with completely clueless, and irrational owners. Odd.

But, like the fucking legend that I am, I steadied that sinking ship and kept them up. Like a fucking boss.