I’d gone almost 7 whole minutes without thinking about Pat Howard but this decision to rest Mitch Starc has re-triggered my PTSD

I would happily pay Elon $8 if it was to ensure Ben Stokes never played us again

Just wrapped up a marathon meditation session, aka a 4 hour facetime listening to Haydos talk about tidal patterns

Not since Dean Jones in Madras has someone endlessly shit the bed like the South African cricket team

I’m always in awe of Gilly’s career. The only cricketer I ever played with who never called an opponent a cunt. Fuck knows how he played so many tests tbh

I’ve always believed the big fella had an ability to speak across cultures. Especially as a god-fearing christian who unfurled some of the most repugnant sledging known to man dailymail.co.uk/sport/cricket/…

Kane Williamson needs answers. Does he have any players who’d run thru a brick wall for him? If Tugga took a shit in the corner and asked me to protect it, I would’ve dug a moat and filled it with piss. New Zealand need to lift

Doesn’t matter who wins tonight, nobody will cope with Babar Azam now he’s unlocked the power of mango salads

Torrential rain predicted for tonight’s final. Nick Hockley’s second major mistake of the year

I see Glenn Maxwell has been piss farting around with his footwork again

Looks like another paltry crowd in protest to the unholy discarding of yours truly

If Nick Hockley thinks I was ‘volatile’ then wait until he sees me after my triple shot almond cap. The fuckers are $7 in Scarborough nowadays

Anyone read my interview denying the rift with Pat? Pretty believable eh?

All these persistent questions are getting tiresome. Once again, for the record, YES I would still run through a brick wall for Steve

Nothing stirs my loins as an Aussie cricket fan more than crushing countries with a negative GDP

14th October 1989. The first time I ever saw Tom Moody in the showers. I think about this every day of my life

Loving my time in the commentary box so far. Except for Flem’s breath, bloke smell’s like an anchovy’s feet

Like another former captain of this country, I’m afraid to say Aaron Finch is ‘yesterday’s nudes’

Curious declaration from Pat. Can only assume Usman has a whopping carbon footprint

India are a handy side but they lack a certain something. Wondering if they’ve tried visualisation and the poetry of Rupert McCall