Bundling your home & car insurance? Yes. Bragging about how early you wake up? No.

if you ever feel alone just remember there are mites having sex on your face ❤️

MAYONNAISE ON AN ESCALATOR

Dating girls is so annoying I sent a pic of me in lingerie to a girl I’m texting and she’s like “omg I’ve been looking for that set for ages where did u find it?” I-

👀

Monica Lewinsky (she/her)

if this was my husband i would make him commit forever nap

i’ve decided to do my part everybody in the lgbtq+ community reply with a 🌈 for $100 🤍

I walked into the house and my mum’s friend said I put on weight. I replied wow, I was thinking the same about you. My dad was bussing up and my mum was in utter shock.

you may know I was charged with a 1st degree felony and faced life in prison. Today I plead to misdemeanor carrying a 12mo plea in abeyance and ~$8,000 in restitution. Want to know what I did? The big, bad, scary thing I’m being punished for? I rinsed out an empty paint can

this is literally the funniest way I have ever been dumped

nusa twitter looking pretty dead lmfao

when my girlfriend has her friend over and i'm trying to give them their space but still make a good impression

how do I get railed in a sundress in a god-honoring way

17 yeard a go we addd mssage editig to discor d

Amelia Gapin i as a trans person who openly refers to myself as a trap see no issue with this. honestly id have posed with the sign lol

Trigger Zesty Jesus with a goofy Casual TF2 clip Speedrun (No Slurs, Throws Tantrums Over Sniper But Watches My Clips %)