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Why are tables made out of literally the only material that requires a coaster?

It’s Christmas Eve Eve not Christmas Steve Steve

Baklava is my favorite lava.

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. Batman Begin

I’m happy I’m feelin glad I got corndogs in a bag

Twitter is so poppin right now. Only cool ppl say poppin fyi.

2024 was a banner year for white people. Honestly congratulations, white people

Santa: we wrote you a song Rudolf: aw thanks Santa: you’re gonna love it Rudolf: as long as it’s not about my nose Santa: … Rudolf: is it about my nose

It was only a matter of time before Santa integrated drone delivery

White people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like

My dad is describing in great detail how he would kill the grinch while My mom is cooking breakfast for sixteen people.

kanye: Thing is, I’m Wallace, I’m running shit .. But I gotta be Gromit too Zane lowe: yeah Kanye: i’m That pioneer. fashion, music, all of it. I’m building this shit in my basement Zane: right. like Wallace kanye: { too loud} But they don’t know I’m Gromit though

Its crazy how alcohol makes all your pets 600% softer

a load-bearing bit among my friends came from a guy on the periphery who came to a party, walked outside where we were talking, and said “moon looks great tonight.” everyone agreed, went back to talking. upon a lull he said “speaking of the moon, i made the nasa website” 😂

Dropping this while half the country is at home visiting their parents is so funny

trump 1987 on CNN: Ripley is terrific. I like to hire brilliant women and she's brilliant the way she maintains order. She's first rate. 2025: Whoosh and she sends it out of the airlock (pained face) and I said, that's a lotta money. A lotta money just went out of that airlock.

The year is 2025. nobody be's mean