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I never invite anyone in, cuz...you know...vampires.

oh to be ducks walking on Hydrangea petals

I remember when I was broke. I’m still broke that’s why I remember so well.

I’m sorry that I used your cats as pom-poms but sometimes you need to improvise when your song comes on.

Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch

I’ll always try & make my inner child happy 💗

Got my Abby's nose and paw print tattoos today

Politically neutral. This made me laugh. Posting this cause maybe it will make you laugh too. Happy Independence Day!

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day

Oopsie got a new game again

Hey MAGA biblicals, can you interpret this?

tomorrow i will fix my entire life don’t you worry

FUN FACT: People who use dark mode are all axe murderers.

Make an awkward situation worse by saying things only you think are funny.

Just signed up to learn karate online.

You’re not broken.. just a little cracked

I may not be that attractive but the introvert in me could kiss me for not making any extrovert plans this weekend

Me: *looks in mirror* Oh, it's broken. Mirror: No, that's you.