The idea that we’ve ever had to apologize for being white is ridiculous. Not apologizing for stuff is kinda our thing.

the peaceful way out of this isn't to vote for status quo democrats. it's to vote for the most progressive, leftist, kooky candidates there are in every single district. you need to primary Schumer, and Jeffries, and every single one of them with real left candidates

I can talk to my dead brother Mario by using a Louija board

I didn’t have 47 days of training, but I think executing someone in the streets is a way worse crime than living in this country without the right paperwork

Don’t obstruct A’s form doing their job with your stupid Y in Megan

Too bad the Epstein files aren’t a white swimmer from Stanford who committed rape because then a judge would’ve already released them

RIP Greg Bovino. Cried into his pink slip, threw it on the floor, tried to kick it, tripped, fell on a stove, backed into a shelf, knocked a bucket onto his head, reached for a wall, grabbed a rabid dog, and then fell out a window into the world’s largest outdoor red ant farm.

I know a lot of people who are into ice fishing but not enough that are into ice hunting

If it was 2013 I could make a joke like “Police violence towards Gingers increased by 80% after the show Orange is the New Black came out” but alas, we perceive time as linear

I told my nephew he could be anything when he grows up, even president and he told me to fuck off

FYI April 6 is the filing deadline to primary Hakeem Jeffries ballotpedia.org/New_York%27s_8…

Ain't no "rats" when the crimes are against kids. Thats a hero. No codes apply here.

On Epstein files: 1. Why is the press referring to girls as women? 2. Why is the press inventing a term, 'underage women', there is no such thing. 3. There is no such thing as 'sex with a child', it is called child rape or child sexual abuse. Stop minimising the criminality.

Ladies, if men didn’t exist, who would protect you from this robot that I’ve taught to hate consent?

In 2009 Stephen Hawking threw a party for time travelers and only announced the party after it happened. Because no one showed up everyone just assumed time travel isn't possible, but turns out it was because time travelers didn't want to party with a pedophile.

I grew up listening to pop punk, so unfortunately, a lot of the stuff in the Epstein files isn’t Brand New to me

My jokes about the Epstein files are just gallows humor. Meaning if we hanged all these guys to death, it would put me in good humor

praying to god is low key embarrassing. girl if He wanted to He would