.Lisa Nandy MP told ITV News 'it's deeply depressing to have had this incredible moment' finding out Oasis were reuniting, only for many to spend hours queueing and discovering they couldn't afford tickets She says the government will consult on changes needed around ticketing

Sir Keir Starmer has let his children get a new cat while they live at Downing Street, after "a long summer of negotiations" about a dog Read more 🔗 trib.al/UatCvn8

extracts from a poem by Sir Keir Starmer (aged 59 ½), vers libre

You won’t even need to read the news for the next election. You can just have a feel around your waist. Still a repulsive blob of organs and fat? Then the Prevent Agenda wasn’t delivered on; and it’s time to give Tom Tugendhat a go.

Priti stood on her record; a credible record, one that made that passionate case for migration. Carers. Skills. Plugging Gaps. And it says so much about the modern Conservative Party, without even a whistle of Ken Clarke, that they ditched her on round one…

Only one pound sterling for a bag at Waitrose? That’s not a nudge; it’s not even a poke. I expected so much more from Sir Keir Starmer’s first term.

Easy to gloat about the Tory Leadership lurching to the unelectable Far Right, but I do think our politics is poorer without a credible opposition. I leave members with a quote, from one Benjamin Disraeli: “Gentlemen, the Tory Party, unless it is a national party, is nothing.”

This doesn’t feel right to me.

Anyone else finding the weight has just been falling off since the election? Might have something to do with me retching up all of my food each night from the constant stream of alcohol.

There may well be life on Mars…but precious little common sense.

If you take away the Winter Fuel Payment from wealthy pensioners that just means their kids will inherit less. So when you think about it, you aren’t actually saving any money.

You do wonder if these Treasury Bods like Torsten Bell wickedly advising Sir Keir are cognisant of the fact that pensioners actually bother to vote in elections, unlike their teetotal vegan lazy arse Grandchildren.

There should be a minimum sentence for portraits that stare at Emergency Workers.

No it won’t

When we finally haul in Elon Musk in front of the Old Bailey, we’ll be confiscating all the money he would have wasted on his silly rockets and using it to save our pensioners from the cold.

Knife crime is a national crisis that we must tackle head on. Our Coalition to Tackle Knife Crime brings together politicians, families of victims, young people and community leaders to drive forward our mission to take back our streets and half knife crime in the next decade.

Champagne socialist supernova: In the wake of the Oasis ticket price gouging/dynamic pricing row our new polling finds 58% of the public say that ticketing platforms like Ticketmaster should be nationalised.

I urge you all to be more careless about your keys and to treat your shoes poorly. With these mass prisoner releases we are going to need to increase demand for Timpsons shops rapidly.

No idea who Mr Stride is so open up Wikipedia, got as far as this picture. Goodness gracious. Practically oozing with Credibility. Praying the Tory MPs vote him out this round.