"Weed" is a crazy word, we invented a slur for plants

Cognitive security Rule 1: Do not do this.

TSA might want RealID, but I have the realest ID.

americans being “scared” after their govt bombs others is so israeli coded i’m actually kicking and screaming

please be about john wick fighting demons in hell

Everyone look at my lamp

not taking voice training seriously is starting to kill me bros i can't lie. it feels like there's something awful living inside of my throat that i can't pull out

Open carrying my bow and arrow at Applebees

He literally does this in Superior Iron Man lmao

not to boomermode but this is a safety hazard and we really gotta return to mostly physical controls in cars

The doomsday clock is like a parent warning their misbehaving child by counting down from 5, but they've now reached 1 and have to start counting in half's and quarters.

Having trouble drinking enough mountain dew to stave off this heat, but I found a trick. If you eat a whole can of pringles, you'll be thirsty enough to knock back two bottles no problem. Repeat every few hours as needed.

It’s so baffling that everyone’s response to this was “Wow the Hulk sucks” and not “Wow, Thanos is strong.” Like the point was to show that Thanos is stronger than the strongest Avenger, even without the stones.

idc you shouldn’t be able to have children if you’re like this

One of the reasons everything is so competitive now is because of online applications btw

i dont top as a favor or a service to the community. i top because it makes my penis feel good

hate to break it to you man #SheFlashedTheSignal

it's a slur for trans women

heyyy queen I saw your tweet about how highbies are trash and I just wanted to let you know I agree. although I myself am a highbie, (i know, ugh) i am on your side. “one of the good ones” as some may say. btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now, theyre awesome

i just want every trans woman who i perceive to be hotter and more popular than me to know that it is entirely your fault UHC stopped covering my laser last year and now i get 5 o clock shadow again. thanks a lot.