A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile
A.P. Frey

@apfrey

Comedy writer. Producer at Fantasy House Network. This is what happens when you give a moron access to a public forum.

ID: 15089314

calendar_today11-06-2008 21:11:41

353 Tweet

206 Followers

264 Following

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

People always give me shit for eating groceries in the store before paying for them. “Hey, you gotta pay first!” “Hey, you don’t own that yet!” “Hey, you gotta cook that chicken first!” Y’all need to mind your own business.

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Marriage is just my wife trying to find new places to hide dryer sheets in my clothes. If done correctly, she is able to delay the escape of the sheet to the exact time of my most socially vulnerable moments.

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Why is there an ice pick in all of these horror movies? What is this, 1890? Do they have a block of ice delivered to their door by a horse-drawn wagon every week?

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I just want you all to know, on this Election Day, no matter how it turns out, I love you all. ❤️ Also, I hate all of you.

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

You expect me to believe you fact checked your political meme when you can’t even figure out how to put your phone on silent?

A.P. Frey (@apfrey) 's Twitter Profile Photo

This Thanksgiving is brought to you by... Hellmann’s Mayonnaise... Saving your dry ass turkey since 1905. Hellmann's Mayonnaise #Thanksgiving #Turkey

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We’re going Christmas Karening later if anyone wants to join. We are currently in need of a baritone troublemaker. #Christmas #Christmas2020 #ChristmasIsComing