“…”

“A lilly pad’s just a green pacman” -Theo Von probably

“A river’s just a long lake” -Theo Von probably

When did voting become a “would you rather” challenge? Fuck that

Feeling old? What if I put you in a microwave? Then what?

Do women go out to make enemies?

Sometimes commercials go too far like that hospice one with the song “we will, we will wipe you”

Did you know MC Hammer was actually really bad at playing video games? He was even quoted as saying “Can’t Tetris!”

So I had to go to this “sexual harassment training” thing and they didn’t even teach how to sexually harass

What do you call an Irish Mexican? A green bean

My pronouns are Him/ler

Damn this zone erogenous than a mothafucka

Instead of an Irish goodbye, be an Irish good guy and say farewell when leaving a party

.Michael Malice publicly dunks on his haters zuby “anger’s bad mmmkay?”

So Katy Perry’s a Yasstronaut now? Ok

What @marcmaron fails to acknowledge is that there is no such thing as “anti woke” comedy. #KILLTONY is the most organically diverse show possible.

If a woman tries to charge you money for sex, say this: “Why so much? Do you charge by the pound?”

Social media is a great way to clockwork orange your own damn self

Men don’t have daddy issues. We have dad issues. Totally different!